Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I should be sponsored by Trojan
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
