A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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