i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
