he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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