Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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