party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
