Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
