he puts the penis in happiness.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
