Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
