i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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