if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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