Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
