i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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