a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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