it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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