She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
