I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
