The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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