She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
