so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
