The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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