dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
