i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
