Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
