We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
