Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize