hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
