"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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