READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
