Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
