He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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