I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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