she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
