I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
