I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
