So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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