Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
