Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My feet surprised me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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