I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
