Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
