There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
