I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
