dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
