Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just cut my nipple shaving
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
