i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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