i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
