I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
