Acid is not a monday night drug
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
