Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
