Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
