i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
