Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize