Just cropdusted the office
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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