I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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