And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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