No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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