i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
