; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
