im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize