Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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