Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
