Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
