I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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