I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
