therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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