If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
