I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
