Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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