During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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