Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
