girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
