he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
