Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
