I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
