did you get engaged???
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
