Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
