Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
