Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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