Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
