Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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