standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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