I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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