the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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