Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
