It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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