I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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