4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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