when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
