Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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